The days are long!

I love my kids! That is a given. However I am feeling the brunt of caregiver on a moment to moment basis and the weeks are taxing me beyond what I ever though possible. Of course it does not help that my husband has been under deadline (totally set in motion from his boss’s inability to time manage) and working late in the evenings and some of today (Sunday morning).

I always thought of myself as self sufficient and capable of managing lots of things. Now reality is showing me differently. Even an hour of lateness is draining what little and I really mean little energy I have. I know I could always have it harder. I could be a true single mom. I just think that I would be a crazy, drug addicted/alcoholic, freak of a single mom. I am starting to be intimately aware of my limitations. It’s not a great realization.

Maybe I feel so fragile because I’m in a city away from my support network of friends and my mom? At this point I only have acquaintances and my MIL, both of which are not with me all that often to support me and my kids.

Pre children, I connected with the idea of homeschooling, now I know that I’m not that kind of mama. I do feel sad knowing this but the truth is way too big to ignore. As much as my I love and adore my children, I long of solo time. It may be that when my kids hit a certain age, I need some breaks…. Say 3.5 years old? I have two emotions competing with each other, not feeling ready to send my son off to others to care for and wanting to send him off to some one to care for while I get a break from his intense three year old energy.

So now all I need to do is push my body, soul and brain to get through this Sunday till their dad gets home from work when everything in me screams out for sleep and another adult to help parent these beautiful, intense and wonderful kids of mine.

The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short… The days are long but the years are short!